‘REAL’izing over idolizing??

I’m at that moment.

That moment where I’m questioning just whether... or not..... my heart can take the risk of break.

I want to open this book...

We all have ‘heroes’ who are special to us, people we admire and look up to, people who show us what the courage to work at dreams really means. My own personal heroes of my life have been those who I, for whatever reason, have felt connected to through sports and through music. And Kenny Rogers has been my TOP list hero for as long as I can even remember back throughout my lifetime.

I had a lot of hard days at school as a kiddo who just didn’t fit in and who just felt devastated at having to face day after day in upset... but Kenny Rogers sang me all better on my little blue plastic record player every afternoon when I arrived gratefully home. I’ve never been a good sleeper, my mind just never can seem to settle enough for real rest to take over... until I reach for my earphones, switch on my soothing playlist where my Kenny Rogers favourites lull me into that old familiar settled comfort that never lets me down. I love every song, every television special, every movie Kenny Rogers has graced and I will unashamedly admit that Six Pack remains my most favourite movie EVER, and likely always will... even when I watch it now on DVD at home (over and over and over and...) I disappear back to the first time I saw it when my aunt took me to see it at the movie theatre, way back  in the 80’s on the day it opened; pure awesomeness and I adore Brewster Baker just as I adore my beloved Kenny Rogers.

That’s why this moment is so hard.

I want to open and read this book, this memoir of the man who has unknowingly helped me through so much of my life.

But I don’t want to be disappointed.

I had a moment like this once before. Kenny Rogers was coming through town on his concert tour and I was so excited that I actually cried because I was just sooooooo filled with joy over the prospect of actually getting to see and hear Kenny Rogers in real life performing all the songs of my heart! Believe it, or not, but I was twenty-eight had never before been to a music concert before... even with my HUGE love of music and having played music myself for many years, I had never been to a concert simply because I was fearful that the magic of my musical heroes would be lost if I saw the real. But it was Kenny Rogers. And so, before I let me talk myself out of going, I drove into town and I bought Enz and I tickets to see Kenny Rogers in concert.

And when it came concert time, I almost couldn't force myself to go... because I didn’t want to be disappointed and I agonosized over living my dream of seeing Kenny Rogers for real or keeping my dream just the way it was. In the end I did go to the concert and it was perfect, beyond perfect actually. Kenny Rogers was as comfortable and as warm and as gracious on that big arena stage as I had always imagined he could be. I was so lost in the beautiful of the fact that my first-ever concert had the been the very soundtrack of my life that it felt as though I was the only person there and I was grateful for every moment I shared space with my greatest hero for a snippet of time I will never lose. But along with overwhelming joy came sadness of farewell for a couple of hours that had meant the whole world in its moments for me.

Well, of course Kenny Rogers is on my ‘Case for Heroes’!

Now, I know in my heart that I won’t be let down by reading this book. I know that Kenny Rogers has had ups and downs in his life and that he’s, at times, made headlines for less-than perfect moments but he’s also been forthright in owning up to them rather than hiding behind cop-outs which is something I also admire in those I look up to. Still, I am over-angsty about reading the words he’s chosen to share. I had heard of this upcoming book release and couldn’t wait until it was available to puchase... but once it had finally made it to release date, I just couldn’t even pick it up for my ridiculous fear of being disappointed before I even dove in. The story of my own life right there... the experiences I have misss out on for fear of being disappointed are, in fact, the greatest disappointments of my life. But my mama wasn’t too afraid to buy the book for me and so this book is really two gifts in one.

I want to open this book..... because before I’ve even begun I am already dreading its final word.

I don’t like goodbyes, even to friends I’ve not yet met.

Even so, I am going to open this book..... eventually.