Physiotherapy - Appointment 7: (June 20, 2016.)
Today I did... wait for it....... STAIRS!!!!!
Okay, so when I say I did stairs, I more mean I survived my first attempt at stairs... still, I was bursting with tears of disbelief, exhaustion and pride in my accomplishment. The stairs were only about a four inch step height and I didn't do it all on my own, I did have the security of the physio safety belt reassuringly strapped around my ribs, the extra security of my therapist holding that belt and leading my movements BUT it was my own two legs holding me up through the awkward movements that once were easier than pie to make happen. Even upon just hearing words 'Today we are going to work on... the stairs.....' my heart had set to rushing, however, I have very quickly grown to trust that my physio therapist knows not only what is right for me but also how to help me conquer my fears in teaching my body how to make it all happen. She seems to know that my fears need to be tackled swiftly so the real healing can begin. She pushes me to push myself and though it sometimes terrifies me, I am not about to back down.
For awhile last Fall I felt like I was doing better, the feeling was slowly coming back in my legs and I could walk (shuffle) mostly unassisted on the flat while only needing help on the inclines but I had some set-backs after being down with Pneumonia for a few months and wound up severely weakened again. I think this Neurology Program found me just in time.
It's actually been a big few days for me, especially today! I have been doing my home exercises daily, without fail, and I can already feel my muscles (barely there though they are) actually starting to respond. I can feel the pain from working my muscles and I can feel them faintly engaging when working them in new ways. I am even trusting in my walker so I can help my body use it as a learning tool while I grow stronger instead of seeing it as a prison of mortification; I used it when I had to take one of my Greyhounds in to see the Vet last week with only a fleeting thought of leaving it in the car... the more stable and relaxed I am, me more relaxed my Day will be through his appointment I told myself as I asked Enz to pull it out of the vehicle for me. For now, I have a new way of walking, it's a marching-type gait to force my legs to work at lifting and placing my foot rather than shuffling and constantly tripping over my right foot which never wants to co-operate with what my mind is asking of it... it's hard, it looks silly and I can only safely do it when holding onto my walker. BUT, after only just a week of concentrating and practicing my marching steps, my legs were able to lift enough to tackle my hugest hurdle of stairs so I will use that embarrassing walker and look ridiculous practicing my silly steps IN public and out of public until the day my legs are finally able to again do it on their own and I don't care who sees me or doesn't. I can stand straight and tall with the walker, I don't stumble or falter or hurt. Today I saw how much good is coming from the walker that has caused me so much angst and today it became my friend.
Today we worked on:
- unassisted sit-to-stand from a low therapy table height, not using my arms, except for balance.
- stairs (just up/down a single step ten times then slowly up and down a half-floor flight twice)
- heel balance toe-lifts (one foot at a time)
- made peace with my walker
I was beyond exhausted but also left my session beyond joyful today! It took about forty-five minutes for me to climb that half floor flight of stairs twice this morning but even as slow as I was, the Care Bear Beams of Proud pumping from my chest were what kept me working even when all I really wanted to do was say I was done. I was extra wobbly from my muscles and nerves having just had a MASSIVE workout as I made my way outside but I couldn't stop beaming and raving about how I had started to learn the stairs without having to crawl! I think it was the first time I left the hospital smiling... with real, actual happiness behind the smile and not like my usual-of-late smile of 'everything's okay, no need to worry about me' crapolla that I usually pawn off on everyone who worries. I am far from ready to try stairs on my own but it's a start that even last week I couldn't have dreamed of. Now I have the next three days to recuperate while still working on my home exercises before we take those stairs on again Friday!
Physiotherapy - Appointment 8: (June 24, 2016.)
It was straight for the stairs at therapy again today and it was as incredible as it was difficult!
My therapist wants to break my fear of falling down stairs swiftly by working on teaching my legs the proper mechanics of how to do them safely and confidently. The stairs we are working at mastering is a half-flight to the second floor of the hospital and each step is a regular stair depth but only about five inches high... perfect for learning and building but still just so, SO hard to do!
The first thing we do is put weights on my ankles, only three pounds so far but it is amazing how the weights help control and ground my movements so the ataxia isn't so bad. After getting set up we went once up while facing forward, both feet onto one step then getting ready to attempt the next step leading with the opposite leg. I am super slow moving and it took so much concentration as my therapist held me securely with the safety belt while she reminded me how to move (weight shift) and guided my movements as we went. It unbelievably hard to have to step-by-step figure and concentrate on movements that once just came naturally; it got a little easier once I was repeating the words along with my awesome therapist... "Marching-step lift, butt tucked, leeeaaaaan forward shift body weight, lift and place". My therapist brings a chair for the staircase landing so I have a good five minute rest between working and boy am I grateful for that chair once I finally reach it! Going down the stairs is much scarier than going up but it's also easier with the help of gravity on my side. I think downward is scarier because with having to keep my body straight I can't really see where my feet are going and without all the feeling back it's hard to trust if my feet are hitting the correct and safe spots to get me down; I tend to do a little feel-tap to make sure I am on solidness before trying to safely take the next step... kind of like testing swimming water before jumping on in. We did the stairs this way twice before moving on to a new and actually easier technique.
Next up was the sideway tackling of stairs. I felt safe and confident using this technique which earned me being allowed to try it at home (once every other day with supervision) and only because the handrail to our loft is on my stronger side so it will be safe for me. I have severe weakness in both legs but my left leg is far stronger having come back with feeling slightly quicker than the right. So there I stood, facing the wall, gripping the handrail... marching step lift to the side, leeeaan to shift weight, lift and bring right leg up to step and REPEAT. I couldn't help but giggle a little, I was just so happy that the sideways shuffle wasn't so much stress on my mind or my body. And then came rest time, whew! Going down was so much easier, too, because I could see where my down-foot was landing and also because I wasn't staring down a whole flight of intimidating stairs yet to go.
After another rest, sitting on my walker at the bottom of the stairs it was time to try the other side using the opposite handrail. It didn't go quite as well but I did survive. My right leg and foot are harder to control so my marching-step up and sideways was fumbly as my foot would catch on the side of the step before finally finding the step, struggling to get over in making room for my left foot but we worked through until we made it. Going down was no picnic on this side either, I felt like my leg wasn't going to hold from one step to the next with each weight shift; I was shaking in both muscle work and concentration but I made it through. Had my home hand railing been on this side I would not have been given the go-ahead to attempt the loft stairs at home so I am extra thankful the stairs are just right for my healing. I can't wait until Sunday so I can try and spend a few minutes in my favourite space!
Next up..l something I didn't even dream I would be trying today; stairs the regular way, a single foot on a single tread all the way up and all the way down! As my therapist showed me and explained the mechanics I could feel my nervousness kicking into high-gear but I trust in her knowledge and methods and she has already promised me that she will not push me for anything I am truly not ready for because she never wants for me to feel disappointment in my progress. Feeling proud of even little accomplishments will help me go farther quicker and because she assures me of that, I trust in what she is sure I am capable of... even with needing a little help. So, up we started! This one was my hardest challenge yet. It was so confusing because my mind understood what my body was supposed to be doing but my body wasn't cooperating with what my brain was asking... marching-step up, leeeaan forward to lift, huge marching-step follow-thru and up to the next step. Easy in theory but my legs were already tired and my marching-steps just weren't high enough so my feet kept catching on the next steps and sometimes inadvertently toe-touching down before I could finally manage to place them on the step above. It's going to look ridiculous but I need to practice my bringing my marching to new heights so I can become an expert at any staircase I may happen across... so if you see me out and about concentrating on high marching-steps with my walker, feel free to laugh because even though I know how silly it looks it's for a really fantastic cause! Going down this way was surprisingly and settlingly much easier and I found both the ankle weights and gravity helped me swing my legs out far enough that finding my footing on the below step was much easier than trusting my top leg to hold in the meantime. I got the hang of going down so well that my second time through this way I made it all the way down only holding the banister with one hand, the other hand on my hip... of course I was still being securely held with the safety belt but it was a massive day of accomplishment nonetheless. Boy was I wobbly and ready for a big rest after our session but I was also over the moon with excitement.
Learning is hard but giving up is way harder...
Physiotherapy - Appointment 8: (June 24, 2016.)
It was straight for the stairs at therapy again today and it was as incredible as it was difficult!
My therapist wants to break my fear of falling down stairs swiftly by working on teaching my legs the proper mechanics of how to do them safely and confidently. The stairs we are working at mastering is a half-flight to the second floor of the hospital and each step is a regular stair depth but only about five inches high... perfect for learning and building but still just so, SO hard to do!
The first thing we do is put weights on my ankles, only three pounds so far but it is amazing how the weights help control and ground my movements so the ataxia isn't so bad. After getting set up we went once up while facing forward, both feet onto one step then getting ready to attempt the next step leading with the opposite leg. I am super slow moving and it took so much concentration as my therapist held me securely with the safety belt while she reminded me how to move (weight shift) and guided my movements as we went. It unbelievably hard to have to step-by-step figure and concentrate on movements that once just came naturally; it got a little easier once I was repeating the words along with my awesome therapist... "Marching-step lift, butt tucked, leeeaaaaan forward shift body weight, lift and place". My therapist brings a chair for the staircase landing so I have a good five minute rest between working and boy am I grateful for that chair once I finally reach it! Going down the stairs is much scarier than going up but it's also easier with the help of gravity on my side. I think downward is scarier because with having to keep my body straight I can't really see where my feet are going and without all the feeling back it's hard to trust if my feet are hitting the correct and safe spots to get me down; I tend to do a little feel-tap to make sure I am on solidness before trying to safely take the next step... kind of like testing swimming water before jumping on in. We did the stairs this way twice before moving on to a new and actually easier technique.
Next up was the sideway tackling of stairs. I felt safe and confident using this technique which earned me being allowed to try it at home (once every other day with supervision) and only because the handrail to our loft is on my stronger side so it will be safe for me. I have severe weakness in both legs but my left leg is far stronger having come back with feeling slightly quicker than the right. So there I stood, facing the wall, gripping the handrail... marching step lift to the side, leeeaan to shift weight, lift and bring right leg up to step and REPEAT. I couldn't help but giggle a little, I was just so happy that the sideways shuffle wasn't so much stress on my mind or my body. And then came rest time, whew! Going down was so much easier, too, because I could see where my down-foot was landing and also because I wasn't staring down a whole flight of intimidating stairs yet to go.
After another rest, sitting on my walker at the bottom of the stairs it was time to try the other side using the opposite handrail. It didn't go quite as well but I did survive. My right leg and foot are harder to control so my marching-step up and sideways was fumbly as my foot would catch on the side of the step before finally finding the step, struggling to get over in making room for my left foot but we worked through until we made it. Going down was no picnic on this side either, I felt like my leg wasn't going to hold from one step to the next with each weight shift; I was shaking in both muscle work and concentration but I made it through. Had my home hand railing been on this side I would not have been given the go-ahead to attempt the loft stairs at home so I am extra thankful the stairs are just right for my healing. I can't wait until Sunday so I can try and spend a few minutes in my favourite space!
Next up..l something I didn't even dream I would be trying today; stairs the regular way, a single foot on a single tread all the way up and all the way down! As my therapist showed me and explained the mechanics I could feel my nervousness kicking into high-gear but I trust in her knowledge and methods and she has already promised me that she will not push me for anything I am truly not ready for because she never wants for me to feel disappointment in my progress. Feeling proud of even little accomplishments will help me go farther quicker and because she assures me of that, I trust in what she is sure I am capable of... even with needing a little help. So, up we started! This one was my hardest challenge yet. It was so confusing because my mind understood what my body was supposed to be doing but my body wasn't cooperating with what my brain was asking... marching-step up, leeeaan forward to lift, huge marching-step follow-thru and up to the next step. Easy in theory but my legs were already tired and my marching-steps just weren't high enough so my feet kept catching on the next steps and sometimes inadvertently toe-touching down before I could finally manage to place them on the step above. It's going to look ridiculous but I need to practice my bringing my marching to new heights so I can become an expert at any staircase I may happen across... so if you see me out and about concentrating on high marching-steps with my walker, feel free to laugh because even though I know how silly it looks it's for a really fantastic cause! Going down this way was surprisingly and settlingly much easier and I found both the ankle weights and gravity helped me swing my legs out far enough that finding my footing on the below step was much easier than trusting my top leg to hold in the meantime. I got the hang of going down so well that my second time through this way I made it all the way down only holding the banister with one hand, the other hand on my hip... of course I was still being securely held with the safety belt but it was a massive day of accomplishment nonetheless. Boy was I wobbly and ready for a big rest after our session but I was also over the moon with excitement.
Learning is hard but giving up is way harder...
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