Big news ... because I have become so good at handling myself safely on the stairs, we are now using it as warm-up for my therapy sessions!!! Today, I made it all the way from the first floor to the third floor and all the way back down with only one teensie-weensie break between going up and going down on the third floor landing. I wasn't even drained of energy by the time I reached our goal. It takes all of my concentration to talk my legs into settling into the climb rather than wobbling and jerking all over but I can now not only do it, but I can do it competently and on my own. Julie walked close beside me but did not hold onto the safety belt around my ribs... except for one almost missed step when she reached to help me steady but even then, I was able to recover quickly and keep on moving.
I am growing nervous as my neuro program discharge day grows closer but I know I am growing stronger and still improving daily which tells me I might be more ready than I think I am. This is my fourth month in the program and looking back to how I was when starting to now... I see differences I once thought might never come. I still have a way to go but I now know I will actually get there. Julie feels that with a few more weeks I will be ready to let the walking skills my legs have been learning take some time to adjust to working properly, even if still slower than molasses. This won't exactly be the final end of my therapy; I will have intermittent reassessments to see if I am improving with time and putting my newly learned skills to work daily along with updated home therapy routines. The only good thing about this is that I am one who actually does my home exercises. There are so many people I see at therapy who, when asked, say they didn't have time or they were too tired or they forgot to do their therapy work at home but I will never be one with them because I want to work at getting better. Don't get me wrong... I, many times, would love to just ignore the fact that I have exercise in my plans for every day, I honestly do not enjoy exercising, at all! I love exercise in the form of playing sports because that feels like fun over exercising simply to strengthen. But I made a commitment to myself that when I finally found help with rebuilding my leg strength and mechanics, I would give it everything both physically and mentally that I have within me. And I'm sticking to my word for my body.
In preparation for my 'graduation' from the day program we have started trying to work on walking without the walker. The cane did not work for me and walking sort of steadily down the hallway was more like inching along but it did show me that my legs can properly carry me once again even though I still need a little help in the department of wobbliness. The handheld cane did not work at all for me but because I do so well on the parallel bars with just keeping my hands hovering over the bars directly at my side, we talked about how an arm crutch might just help me with my balance checks while giving me more freedom from the walker. I need to practice my independent walking steps inside the house but when out, I can't take the chance of falling and will need the walker indefinitely... I had always thought the walker was just temporary but now, in having to face the idea that I may always need a little extra help with walking, well, I guess an arm crutch sounds at least a little better than being always stuck behind a walker.
After stair warm up today, we spent the whole rest of our time just walking back and forth in the parallel bars. I have been having the worst time in trying to get my right heel to touch down before my toes when taking steps. My left foot took awhile to convince to hit before toes for each step, too, but eventually I was somehow able to make it happen... heel down, roll forward, weight shift, push off ...but my right foot has simply refused to follow suit; until today. It took me concentrating on figuring out the movement while Julie physically guided each movement of my right leg and foot until it finally happened. The trick? Straighten my knee like a board before touchdown! My brain finally got that by straightening my knee completely, I could drop my leg down onto my heel before pushing myself to roll forward in weight shifting. It looks ridiculous! I know it looks ridiculous because I had to watch each step in the mirror as I neared it with each ridiculous looking step. I said I looked ridiculous and tears started to pool despite my efforts to hold them back but Julie promised me it was exactly the slow-motion movement of proper walking. Each movement was working and she assured me that once the working memories set back in, it would allow for speed instead of slow. I have to believe her but it sure isn't easy.
I honestly thought that I would leave the day program already back to running and skating and certainly not still in need of a walking aide. I can't help but wonder if this means I might actually have to start accepting new limitations. Even if I have to accept, I won't accept less than I strive for. With the improvement I've already seen and felt within myself, I know that there really are no hard limits.
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