Today, once again, was mixed with both good stuff and bad stuff... it all evens out these days and I've come to accept is as just part of this whole healing journey.
Julie and I started today's therapy session with a little endurance walking sticks walk; alllllll the way along and alllllll the way back that thirty-six meter long hallways before winding our way through the maze like hallway toward the hallways ramp in the main hospital hub. The ramp area, was as busy as ever and I (as usual) couldn't stop the fear that overcame me. I was shaky, I was fighting tears and when I tripped and almost fell right in front of the reception area doors... well, I almost lost it altogether! But I somehow held myself together and continued on up the ramp again. And then I took another try. And then another. And then we headed back and took another lap around the full long hallways before finally arriving back to the neuro day gym for my first sit-down break of the day... it really was an 'endurance' day! Julie had asked me, probably four times, if I needed to take a rest but I wanted to push myself further and boy, did I feel as high as I did floored that I had made it!
I've suddenly decided that I actually like the walking sticks now that I realized something about them for the first time today... I'm not stuck behind them! As I had rested and had a few sips of my water while Julie set up the tight zigzag of traffic cones I had, as usual, been hesitant of what was ahead. But when I stood up from the therapy table it suddenly dawned on me that all I saw was floor, and cones. I wasn't stuck behind the walker. I didn't have to see the aid I need right now. I felt somehow suddenly empowered, like I was doing it on my own again and not just following my helper. Now, I promise you, I'm not crazy... I do know that the sticks were at my sides, helping me, but to feel the open promise before me, well it did a LOT for my outlook. And as I started toward my previously dreaded three-sixty cone turns, they just weren't near as 'dreaded' any longer.
What started as rough surely ended in beautiful.
Physiotherapy - Appointment 28: (September 21, 2016.)
Therapy was a might of a caaaaRAZY day today... I'm still not actually sure how I made it through but, I did!
We started a few minutes late because just as I arrived for my appointment, another patient in the neuro gym suffered a seizure... It was only a few minutes before the ambulatory care were there to take her to the main hospital and by the time they came she was sitting and saying she was starting to feel okay again. I sure hope she is okay! It was pretty scary for everyone and especially since this lady was not long out of surgery but I'll keep her in my thoughts and prayers and remember her weak, kind, reassuring smile as they wheeled her out...
Once the gym was again quiet, it was time for Julie and I to start on our plan for the day. First things first... onto the floor!
Julie had told me yesterday before I left that we would be working on 'floor transfer techniques' so, of course, I worried about that all night long. I even wore my most security offering plaid to help me through that grand sounding plan... but it turns out it wasn't nearly as bad as I had expected. She had asked me if I thought I would be okay with that and I had answered her with, "I guess so... well, as long as I don't have to practice the falling part, anyhow.....?" She assured me there was technique for getting down onto the floor, too. YAY! I was glad we were getting this part over with first but I still felt the lurches in my tummy begin to take over as she set the big floor mat up before me.
Julie knew I was nervous and instead of talking about being able to get up after a would-be fall she changed tactics for me and settled me instantly by starting her explanation with, "Let's just say you want to get down on the floor to play with your dogs....." It worked exactly as she had known it would, my boys are my whole life and she knows it. My fears were settled with good reasons to find myself on the floor instead of the fearful ones. And it wasn't so difficult once I let myself relax and follow Julie's leading me safely through.
Getting down onto the floor:
1 - Stand and turn around while holding onto the therapy table (pretend it's a bed/couch/walker).
2 - Lean lower down, from hands supporting to on forearms before bending legs to kneel.
3 - Reach one hand to the floor and lower body down to laying on side.
It was pretty simple except it took awhile and looked hilariously awkward, I'm sure.
Then to get up:
1 - Look for nearby furniture or leverage aide of any sort.
2 - Turn onto belly and wiggle toward therapy table.
3 - Push torso up to sitting and reach for table.
4 - Pull up to kneeling while leaning forward onto table on forearms...
5 - Bring strongest leg up in front to be ready to stand.
6 - Push up with arm strength and leg strength until standing.
7 - Keep holding to table while turning to again sit down.
We practiced a couple of times with both legs and although I needed help when placing and lifting on my uncooperative right leg, I survived and thrived! Aaaaaaaand... I also learned a huge, and I do mean HUGE realization; I am totally capable of starting to do push-ups again!!! It hit me while I was lifting my body off of the floor to reach for the therapy table, I was actually in push-up position for that split-second! Now, before this illness I was doing full-fledged body push-ups regularly so it really is an exercise I've been missing. Sure, great form is still a ways away but I will start off with good ol' easy knee push-ups and I will work my way back up. Yesterday I managed three!!!
So, after the learning how to get down and back up from floor level it was time for yet another lesson in walking sticks - opening doors and getting safely through doorways when doing so!
Opening doors doesn't sound so hard but when both hands are spoken for with walking sticks it does take a little getting used to. I sat on the chair closest to the Door of Camelot (yep, couldn't resist another Camelot reference!) while Julie showed me the safest ways through. I know it sounds silly to need lessons in this, but not every door has an automatic opener and I hung on her every word knowing that I would need the information at some point. Here are the pointers I learned and practiced...
Push doors:
1 - Walk up to the door getting close as possible.
2 - Turn sideways so shoulder/arm is against door.
3 - Brace walking stick opposite the door for balance.
4 - Push with shoulder/arm until door is slightly ajar.
5 - Using door and opposite stick for help with balance, shuffle sideways.
6 - Push door further and keep holding with shoulder until able to manoeuvre around the edge.
7 - When able to safely lean fully away from door-closing danger, let the door fall closed.
I got the pushing technique on my first try... the pulling side was a might trickier:
1 - Step up close enough to the door to pull it open without toppling.
2 - Brace on the non door-pulling arm walking stick.
3 - Pull open door and lean forward enough to move opposite stick through doorway.
4 - Brace the 'through' stick while inching door nearest hip through to hold the door open.
5 - Hold door with hip while sneaking shoulder through to take over holding.
6 - Weight-shift to opposite leg to open room between hip and door now holding with shoulder.
7 - Slip arm and stick around and through.
8 - Using sticks, keep inching through while shoulder holding to avoid getting hit with the inward swinging door.
It was awkward to get through the pulling door but with much instruction and help in moving my body, I eventually got the 'hang' of it!
Our second unfortunate surprise of the day came in making our way through the outer doors. We were headed toward practicing getting up and down curbs for the first time with the sticks... I was getting so good at the doors I was able to hold it open for the lady from a local funeral home to bring the stretcher through after picking up a soul now at peace.... I said a quick, inward prayer for the person I had never met but still wished greatness in his or her own next journey with their Earth Journey now finished...
I needed a little break and sat on the outside bench while Julie showed me the curb ways of sticks. I was a little scared of toppling but I didn't. Once I again wrapped my head around just like stairs it was a task that was pretty easily managed and I felt really good about it until Julie suggested one more challenge for the day..... an outside walk from the Entrance of Camelot (I seriously can't stop myself) all the way around to the front hospital entrance. "WHAT??!!! ... um..... okayyyy......."
It wasn't a long walk, just basically around a single building wing but it was a challenging one and not managed without going into full-on and hyperventilating meltdown mode. I felt horrible but once the tears had started I just couldn't stop them. We had started out well enough and I had begun to adapt my walking with the uneven sidewalk as we made our way toward the first corner of the building. As soon as we reached the corner I began to feel the apprehension begin to set in as we suddenly met with the noise and busyness of one of the main roadways in town. There were countless cars and trucks whizzing by as well as a number of people both walking and biking with NO easement between the sidewalk and the road... it was sidewalk directly off the road and I was petrified. I still somehow managed to keep going, even up the slight incline to the corner of the hospital front wall, and that's where the overwhelmingness took me fully over. Julie could feel my panic taking over and I felt her pull the safety belt around my ribs tighter to help secure me while quietly telling me that the drivers were not looking, they were concentrating on their driving and the walkers and bikers would manage around us. She reminded me that I could do this and in my trust of her, I somehow kept shakily moving slowly forward. And then a whole lot of life happened in just a matter of a few unfortunate steps... I accidentally set my left walking stick down into some freshly (rudely) discarded chewing gum and in pulling my arm to try and get it off I inadvertently caught my sleeve on the shrub I was a little too close to which unsettled my next step straight into the sidewalk bench causing me to stumble and almost fall into it... which would have happened had Julie not saved me with the safety belt. Julie fully stopped me then, to readjust and take some deep breaths before starting again, but it was already too late to stop the impending meltdown and it was not pretty.....
Finally, the tears and hyperventilating stopped and I said I was ready to try again; really I just wanted to make it inside the building security again... So, we slowly made our way toward the main entrance and once almost to the front door, I looked up to see my best route through to the doorway and just as I did, a lady having just come out through the front doors had misjudged how close her wheelchair was to the edge of the sidewalk curb and straight over sideways she went, falling straight into the car drop-off zone (not the kind of drop off she'd been expecting, I think!) and was trapped by her wheelchair on top of her. Thank goodness there wasn't a car coming into the drive because the spot she was would never have been seen by a driver until it was too late. So scary!!! The worst part was... there were at least ten or twelve people close enough and able to help but no one even seemed to notice until one lady saw from the far sidewalk and ran toward her to help. Thank you helpful lady!!! I was trying to get myself to the wall so Julie could let go of the safety belt around me and run to help but just then, a nurse she knew came out through the doors so Julie yelled for her to get help which she immediately tuned back inside and did. I felt awful being too far away to help and another person who had been smoking did finally go and help get the lady up and back into her wheelchair until the medical help arrived quickly after. I mean, seriously... no one even seemed to think they should go stand in front of her in the middle of the drive zone to warn drivers that someone was laying there. I will give the people that just stood close by and watched a bit of a break because it may not have registered what was happening but boy was it a scary few moments... we had just happened into unfortunate surprise number three for the day! I sure hope that lady is okay and not in too much pain after her mishap!
We stayed out of the way until the lady was back safe in her wheelchair before starting through the main doorway ourselves...The front entrance was packed and people were moving fast. I had to sit down in trying to avoid yet another panic attack meltdown of epic proportions. Once most of the rushing people had passed us by, we tried again to make our way back to the neuro gym via the hallway ramp. I almost tripped on a chair leg then followed that up by trying to disappear into the nearest wall when faced with the onslaught of people emerging from the elevator as we passed. It was not a graceful entrance I made and definitely not one for the faint-of-heart... Finally, we had made it to the ramp and for the first time I actually saw this usually dreaded ramp as a relief as we worked our way up and back toward the now quieting hallways toward the neuro gym.
Halfway back to the gym we met our fourth and thankfully final unfortunate happening of the day... the hospital started going through fire alarm and evacuation drills.... it seriously just didn't end today. The loud ringing and unending testing announcements made my head want to explode after all the ruckus I'd already met that day. Thankfully, we had only one hallway turn back to the gym where my walker was waiting and I was done for the day.
And was I ever done!! At least I can say today was a total adventure... whew!
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